Brent Alexander

serving up perspective //

smashing the doubt

Tag: Growth Mindset

Browse posts tagged with Growth Mindset—find strategies for developing resilience, overcoming challenges, and embracing continuous personal growth.

My Pickleball Journey from 3.0 to 3.5 and Beyond

When I first picked up a pickleball paddle in 2021, all I knew about it came from friends and the internet. Back in 2021, the sport didn’t have the country in the chokehold it does today. Despite its historically low profile, all of the stereotypes rang true in my mind: Isn’t that a silly game for retired geriatrics? It’s not an athletic sport! And it certainly wouldn’t be any fun… right? Right?

The Rising Popularity of Pickleball and The Evolution of the Game

Boy, was I wrong. And I certainly didn’t expect it to hook me the way it did. The sport has changed dramatically since its rise in popularity just in a few short years. Today the sport is played by a greater variety of demographics; it’s faster, more competitive, and more exciting than ever.

This is partly due to improved paddle and ball technology, but it’s also an inevitable adaptation of athletic playing style and the human pursuit of peak performance: Faster + Stronger = Better!

Mental Resilience Reigns Supreme

But accomplishment on the court is not dominated by speed and power. It’s much more dimensional than that. At its core, pickleball is a game of nuance and variety. The heart of any racquet sport is precision, strategy, and adaptability. The soft game, the ability to read your opponent’s positioning, and the mastery of placement over raw strength all come together to create a dynamic and layered experience. It’s not just about who can hit the hardest or fastest; it’s about making smart decisions, controlling the pace, and adjusting to the ever-changing rhythm of the match. Most of all, mental resilience—the ability to reset after a mistake.

Mistakes are unavoidable in every sport. The key isn’t in eliminating them, but in the ability to reset quickly after they happen.

My early days were full of mishits, smashes into the net, and the frustrating habit of trying to speed up every ball. I didn’t understand the idea of point construction. I forced every shot, attempting to win the point with every ball I hit. I certainly didn’t have an inkling about partner strategy or communication.

I was impatient.

But I was determined.

The path from 3.0 to 3.5 wasn’t a straight line. It was a mix of humbling experiences, small victories, and a helluva lot of repetition. Today, I want to share what got me here — and how I’m working to take my game even further.

The Early Struggles: Consistency and Control

In the beginning, consistency was my biggest challenge. I would string together a few good shots only to lose momentum with unforced errors. The mistakes would pile up quickly, and before I knew it, my partner and I would be down by multiple points and counting. I lost count of the shutouts. It didn’t matter how good my partner was. I would always find a way to screw up the point and lose the match for both of us.

It was devastating.

If I wanted to keep playing this game, I needed to get better. So I focused on mastering the soft game — dinks and drop shots — which forced me to slow things down. Drilling these skills was tedious at first, but it gave me more control over rallies. Developing touch and feel transformed how I approached each shot, and it’s what moved me solidly into the 3.5 category.

Lessons That Made the Biggest Difference

Here’s what I believe had the greatest impact on my skill level:

1. Learning Patience & Positioning at the Kitchen Line

Patience in the point doesn’t come naturally. I tried to win from anywhere BUT the kitchen line. Once I committed to winning “at the line“, and softening my play, my consistency improved. I began to see the value of waiting for the right opportunity rather than forcing the point.

2. Footwork, Footwork, Footwork

Good footwork is underrated. I started focusing on my positioning, making sure I was balanced before hitting shots. Moving into the correct spot instead of reaching was a game-changer for both my power and accuracy.

3. Better Court Awareness

Pickleball isn’t just about hitting the ball; it’s about strategy. I worked on recognizing patterns, anticipating my opponents’ moves, and playing smarter rather than harder. It’s amazing how much difference a simple adjustment in placement can make.

4. Embracing Drill Work

I won’t lie — like most players, I enjoy games more than drills. But drilling serves, returns, drops, and dinks gave me the muscle memory I needed to get out of my head and play more confidently. I learned that practice without pressure is essential if you want to improve.

What I’m Working on Now

While I feel confident in my skill level as a 3.5+ player, I’m far from satisfied. Here’s where my focus is as I improve to 4.0+:

• Speed and Reaction Time

At 4.0, points move faster, and players hit harder. I’m working on reacting quicker at the net, especially in fast-paced hand battles. Speed-up and reset drills are a consistent part of my routine now.

• Doubles Strategy

If you’ve ever been matched with an unequally skilled partner (who hasn’t?), you understand partnership strategy can win or lose the match. Communication with a partner is key to winning at this level. I’m studying positioning, court coverage, and shot selection to play smarter doubles.

• Mental Toughness

Pickleball is a mental game as much as a physical one. Staying calm under pressure and staying positive after mistakes are skills I’m actively developing. It’s a work in progress, but it makes a big difference. This is where I see the greatest area for improvement.

The Journey Ahead

Pickleball has been an incredible teacher. It’s shown me how to be patient, how to adapt to things out of my control, think strategically, and keep pushing my limits. As I work toward 4.0, I’m reminded that improvement comes from consistent effort, a willingness to learn, and, of course, a love of the game.

Helpful Resources

• What is Pickleball and How Do You Play?

If you’re curious and want to get started with the game of Pickleball, check out these resources on UpstatePickleball.com.

• What is a Pickleball Skill Rating?

If you play Pickleball but don’t understand the skill rating system, here’s a great guide on how to self-rate your skill level.

• How To Find People To Play With?

If you are an introvert like me and don’t go to the courts with a consistent group of friends, then finding players can be difficult. Check out social media, specifically groups on Facebook. Most local communities use a combination of social media and mobile apps for coordinating play and communication. In my region of the Upstate of South Carolina, we use a Facebook group (currently 9k members and growing) and most parks are on the TeamReach app.

Wherever you are in your pickleball journey, I hope my story reminds you that progress is possible with the right mindset. Be adaptable, stay coachable, and never stop drilling.

Let’s awaken the fire within. ❤️‍🔥

January 21, 2025
The Change Is In The Challenge
There’s a special kind of satisfaction that comes from seeing a project through to the end, especially when it doesn’t go as planned. I recently tackled a home repair DIY project that turned out to be more of an adventure than I’d bargained for. What started as a simple task—replacing a rotten wall panel and some insulation—quickly spiraled into something much bigger:
- Replacing all the insulation
- Re-running electrical wiring
- Removing old newspaper insulation under the window sill
- Spraying foam sealant
- Caulking the outside brick
- Adding nail-stopper plates
- Then finally replacing the wall panel
It was messy, unexpected, and honestly, overwhelming at times. But finishing it felt incredible because the challenge forced me to adapt, learn, and grow.

summer wanted to help but she didn’t know the difference between a pry bar and a wrecking bar. and has no thumbs.

it got messy quickly

the extent of thee water damage

they used newspaper as insulation! 😱

dated Nov. 5, 1970

front page of the newspaper

I’m no electrician but this doesn’t seem right. 🤨

also this…

i could clearly see daylight to the outside! no good!

QUAD to the rescue!

we call it good.

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A post shared by Brent Alexander (@brentalexander)

The Metaphor: Therapy Is Like a DIY Project

Therapy is like a DIY project—messy, unpredictable, and life-changing.

Home repairs, as it turns out, are a perfect metaphor for therapy. Just like peeling back a wall reveals hidden issues, opening yourself up in therapy can expose complexities you didn’t anticipate. What you thought was one “rotten panel” might be layers of unresolved emotions, unexamined beliefs, or buried experiences.

And let’s be honest: that can be terrifying. Not only do you have to confront the work itself, but you also face the uncertainty of what lies beneath. Therapy often means diving into unknown territory—places you’ve never explored.

But here’s the thing: the first time you face those fears is the hardest. Each time after that? It gets a little easier. What once felt impossible starts to feel doable.

The Transformation

Better than before!

That’s the beauty of the work. Therapy takes what feels overwhelming and makes it manageable. Over time, the things you once avoided become things you conquer. They might even become things you enjoy.

And the best part? It’s life-changing. When you look back, you realize how far you’ve come and wonder, “How was I ever afraid of THAT?” The change is in the challenge.

Ready to Start?

If you’re in the Greenville, SC area and looking for a therapist, I can’t recommend Greenville Counseling Associates enough. If you’re elsewhere, Psychology Today and BetterHelp are great places to start your journey.

Because just like that DIY project, you’re capable of more than you know–and the reward is worth the effort.
January 14, 2025
NF – HOPE

Nathan Feuerstein, better known by his stage name NF, is an American rapper and songwriter known for his raw, emotional lyrics that delve into struggles with mental health, trauma, and personal growth. Through his music, he offers listeners a powerful way to process pain, find hope, and embrace vulnerability.

His songwriting teaches us that creativity can be a transformative outlet for emotional release and a tool for healing and self-discovery. NF’s authenticity and unflinching honesty remind us that confronting our darkest moments can lead to strength and resilience.

In his song HOPE, NF explores the emotional complexity of facing personal struggles and finding strength through adversity. The song emphasizes resilience, urging listeners to hold onto hope even when life is crippling.

Through powerful, introspective lyrics, NF conveys that healing is possible, and that transformation often begins with confronting our deepest fears. No matter how challenging the journey, we can grow, evolve, and rise above our circumstances. It’s an anthem of perseverance and faith in the face of pain.

Hope
Yeah, I’m on my way, I’m coming
Don’t, don’t lose faith in me
I know you’ve been waitin’
I know you’ve been prayin’ for my soul
Hope, hope

Thirty years you been draggin’ your feet
Tellin’ me I’m the reason we’re stagnant
Thirty years you’ve been claiming you’re honest
And promising progress, well, where’s it at?
I don’t want you to feel like a failure (failure)
I know this hurts
But I gave you your chance to deliver (deliver)
Now it’s my turn
Don’t get me wrong, Nate, you’ve had a great run
But it’s time to give the people somethin’ different
So without further ado, I’d
Like to introduce my
(My album, my album, my album, my album, my album, my album, my album)
Hope
What’s my definition of success? (Of success)
Listening to what your heart says (your heart says)
Standing up for what you know is (is)
Right, while everybody else is (is)
Tucking their tail between their legs (okay)
What’s my definition of success? (Of success)
Creating something no one else can (else can)
Being brave enough to dream big (big)
Grindin’ when you’re told to just quit (quit)
Giving more when you got nothin’ left (left)
It’s a person that’ll take a chance on
Something they were told could never happen
It’s a person that can see the bright side through the dark times when there ain’t one
It’s when someone who ain’t never had nothin’
Ain’t afraid to walk away from more profit
‘Cause they’d rather do somethin’ that they really love and take the pay cut
It’s a person that would never waver
Or change who they are
Just to try and gain some credibility
So they could feel accepted by a stranger
It’s a person that can take the failures in their life and turn them into motivation
It’s believing in yourself when no one else does, it’s amazing

What a little bit of faith can do if you don’t even believe in you
Why would you think or expect anybody else that’s around you to?
I done did things that I regret
I done said things I can’t take back
Was a lost soul at a crossroad who had no hope but I changed that
I spent years of my life holdin’ on to things I never should’ve kept, full of hatred
Years of my life carryin’ a lot of baggage that I should’ve walked away from
Years of my life wishin’ I was someone different, lookin’ for some validation
Years of my life tryna fill the void, pretending I was in
They get it

Growing pain’s a necessary evil
Difficult to go through, yes, but beneficial
Some would say having a mental breakdown is a negative thing
Which on one hand, I agree with
On the other hand, it was the push I needed
To get help and start the healing process, see
If I’d have never hit rock bottom
Would I be the person that I am today?
I don’t believe so
I’m a prime example of what happens when you choose to not accept defeat and face your demons
Took me thirty years to realize that if you want to get the opportunity
To be the greatest version of yourself
Sometimes you got to be someone you’re not to hear the voice of reason
Having kids will make you really take a step back and look in the mirror
At least for me that’s what it did, I

Wake up every day and pick my son up, hold him in my arms
And let him know he’s loved (loved)
Standing by the window questioning if dad is ever going to show up (up)
Isn’t something he’s gon’ have to worry about
Don’t get it twisted, that wasn’t a shot
Mama, I forgive you
I just don’t want him to grow up thinkin’ that he’ll never be enough
Thirty years of running, thirty years of searching
Thirty years of hurting, thirty years of pain
Thirty years of fearful, thirty years of anger
Thirty years of empty, thirty years of shame
Thirty years of broken, thirty years of anguish
Thirty years of hopeless, thirty years of (hey)
Thirty years of never, thirty years of maybe
Thirty years of later, thirty years of fake
Thirty years of hollow, thirty years of sorrow
Thirty years of darkness, thirty years of (Nate)
Thirty years of baggage, thirty years of sadness
Thirty years of stagnant, thirty years of chains
Thirty years of anxious, thirty years of suffering
Thirty years of torment, thirty years of (wait)
Thirty years of bitter, thirty years of lonely
Thirty years of pushing everyone away
(You’ll never evolve) I know I can change
(We are not enough) we are not the same
(You don’t have the heart) you don’t have the strength
(You don’t have the will) you don’t have the faith
(You’ll never be loved, you’ll never be safe
Might as well give up) not running away
(You don’t have the guts) you’re the one afraid
I’m the one in charge
I’m taking the (no)
I’m taking the
Reigns

Songwriters: Nate Feuerstein / Tommee Profitt
© Capitol CMG Publishing

January 7, 2025
Running Into The New Year

Running into 2025 with my head up, eyes forward, and heart open—and I’m not looking back for a second. 🏃🏻‍♂️💨

This year, I’m saying farewell to the me I’ve outgrown, celebrating the me I’ve rediscovered, and embracing the anticipation of the me I’m yet to know.

2025 is my year to conquer new challenges, starting with running my first half marathon. This time last year, I had only ever run 5Ks, never daring to call myself a distance runner. But everything changed when my wife challenged me to run the Greenville Trees Upstate Turkey Day 8K. I accepted—and crushed it. It wasn’t so bad after all, so I leveled up to a 10K. Now, with a 10-miler just 30 days away and my first half marathon in 60, I’ve gone from hesitant to hooked.

They call it the “running bug” for a reason. There’s nothing quite like the rush of crossing a finish line, the dopamine hit that floods your system, and the satisfaction of crushing a goal you once thought impossible. It’s euphoric. And I’m here for all of it this year—chasing the real dopamine, the kind that fuels growth, resilience, and self-discovery.

But this journey is about more than just running; it’s about pushing the limits I never thought I could challenge. Growing up, I wasn’t much of an athlete. Between mild asthma, outdoor allergies, and a chronic heart condition called Aortic Stenosis (a narrowing of the aortic valve that can limit blood flow and endurance), I was always told to “take it easy.” Physical activity was something I approached with caution, never pushing too hard or taking risks.

Movement is Medicine.

Ironically, it’s only by stepping outside those limits that I’ve become the healthiest version of myself. As I’ve increased my physical activity, my cardio fitness has soared. My resting heart rate is the lowest it’s ever been, and my HRV (heart rate variability)—a measure of my body’s resilience and recovery—is the highest it’s ever been. Beyond the physical benefits, running has transformed my mental health. It’s my stress reliever, mood booster, and a time for clarity and reflection.

In my upper 30s, I’m acutely aware of how important it is to stay active as I age. Movement is my medicine. I want to feel this good not just now but decades from now. When I’m twice my age, I want to be strong, mobile, and capable—not confined to a chair.

So here’s the plan for my half marathon:

1️⃣ Goal #1 is simply to finish.

2️⃣ Goal #2 is to finish with a sub-12-minute mile pace (or under 2:37 overall).

And if I don’t? It won’t be a failure; it’ll be a stepping stone for whatever challenge comes next.

Growth happens on the other side of comfort.

Limits exist to be pushed. Growth happens on the other side of comfort. And this year, I’m choosing to be uncomfortable in the best ways possible.

Here’s to running into the new year with purpose, passion, and perseverance. Join me on the journey—it’s going to a maratahon–not a sprint! 🏃‍♂️✨

January 3, 2025
A Celebration of Possibility

“All endings are also beginnings. We just didn’t know it at the time.”

— Mitch Albom

The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Today we helped my wife’s sister and her husband move into their new home.

Moving signifies embarking on a new chapter. One door closes, and another one opens. It’s a tangible reminder that life is full of opportunities for growth and transformation. It’s a celebration of what’s possible. The future is wide open with every new step. There’s always room for growth, change, and the unexpected.

The transition from one stage to the next is often laborious. It’s easy to beat yourself up for forgetting where you packed things. And it may take longer than you originally planned. And it will definitely cost more (everyone thinks they are wiser than they really are). But the key that unlocks the door to the next chapter is only found when you release the old one.

Is it a risk? You bet. When you sell the house in which you currently reside, you’re putting your faith and hope in the fact that you have another one ready. But sometimes life has other plans. Sometimes plan A falls through and plan B is living with your parents until your new house is finished. It takes trust, patience, and stick-to-it-iveness. Heaps of it.

But then, the day finally comes and it’s time turn the page. And it’s rewarding. And exciting. And, ever so slowly, all of that stress and anxiety that used to keep you up at night starts to drift away. And you look back and reflect and think about just how far you have come.

New things are new because they are unmarred.

One could say they are perfect.

But they are also blank.

Empty.

Lifeless.

Full of possibility.

A new chapter is a celebration.

A celebration of possibility.

December 22, 2024

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